1.18.21 Prayer in troubling times
It has been ten months since Covid-19 disrupted our lives and brought so many changes to us. Ten long months of isolation, of lack of social contacts, of time on our hands that we had not experienced like this. We humans are designed to be adaptable, but, sometimes, we get tired of adapting. I’ve been at peace all these months until the daily changes have just seemed to pile up. I’ve been experiencing shock at the smallest changes. I have had to sit for a while to settle down again and then adapt to whatever is being asked of me.
Here’s how they have piled up. 1) my daughter had her 3rd surgery in six months right before Christmas. Two weeks later, while she is recuperating from major surgery, her husband was hospitalized overnight with some sort of heart problem. Meanwhile I am trying to pick up the pieces of their lives, driving some of their kids to and from school, running errands and such. So I was driving four times a day since school started back up. Then our county announced that all school should close last week until February 2nd, suddenly my days were clear of driving. Except the next day, one school that their kids attended reopened. And now it seems to be day to day changes. The other school is still closed and trying to figure out what to do.
My work had pretty much been on hiatus since my daughter’s problems returned around the middle of December. [By the way she is recuperating and her husband is okay, too.] Now in January I was just getting back into the routine of things and all these changes happened. It felt like each one was a door slamming in my face. So what I found was to stop and relax, to pray, to ask God for help in dealing with these changes. A little while later, I would be at peace again whether it meant more time or less time to work, more interruptions or fewer.
He is my mainstay through everything that has happened in my life. And He comes through for me in a variety of different ways, but they all work on my behalf and on the behalf of the work I am doing. What would I do without Christ in my life? I know for sure how I lived before I gave my life to Christ: I would be anxious and fearful. I would be outer-oriented, looking to our culture and to other people for how I should be. I would stay in the background, living my life in the wings, not on stage for sure.
He has brought peace and fulfillment to me. He has given me back my life as He designed it to be. And I am slowly recapturing my real, true self. Taking my true self back from the conditioned self, who I thought I was, but no more. Just this week He revealed to me that I am not the ENFP on the Myers Briggs or a #6 on the Enneagram, that those describe my conditioned self. Now that was a surprise to me that I am not who I thought I was. These describe the cultural overlay that I took on as I grew up and experienced what life for me would be like. So now I am awaiting for what He will unveil in me as He reveals my real, true self. I can’t wait!